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Some feedback on interactive poem?

ColorfulWarColorfulWar
in Workshop
Hey, so I've already had some feedback for this poem, my first attempt at creating a new poetic form in Twine, from a couple of (really helpful and articulate) folks on the forum (thanks feliwebwork and sage) and was hoping to get some more. I call the form an auto-diminishing sequence, mostly because it sounds cool, but also because that's what it does. I'm open to all feedback, about the writing, the form, about whether or not poetry belongs in an interactive medium, how better to accomplish and promote it if it does, whatever. Thanks in advance, here's the link.

Comments

  • litroukelitrouke
    I think the format and poem works quite well, and my only advice pertains to visual formatting. For myself, at least, a small font on a black background is difficult to read, and I find myself skipping lines by accident. (The default blue for links is also a bit jarring, I think... It doesn't quite suit your poem's theme.)

    When I click into a smaller stanza, reading isn't so much a problem, but definitely the long bulk of the poem wears on my eyes. Perhaps a few more stanza breaks on the front page of the poem would also be visually useful -- a cut before/after 'Nevertheless', for example.

    On other topics, I don't see any reason why poetry shouldn't be interactive. =) Several of porpentine's successful games are written in as much poetry as prose, although she's doing something very different from what you're doing here. Past the coding you have now -- which I should repeat, I think works very well and could be left exactly as is -- if you wanted more pizazz, you could play around with timing. Controlling the speed and flow of lines as they come in, forcing the reader to linger or wait on certain ones, etc. There's also the option of hidden links/stanzas, only activated when the reader hovers over the correct word. That could be a nice addition to such an elusive, macabre poem.
  • ColorfulWarColorfulWar
    These are all fantastic ideas and excellent input. Coming from a background of just writing without interactivity, it's kind of tough to remember that you actually have control over, like, the colors of things. It's literally not black and white anymore.
    Hidden links. Huh. Who knew?
    I will try to figure out how in the hell to do the things you mentioned, and then post a revision here. If you'd be willing to read it, I'd be grateful.
    And yeah, Porpentine. She's doing some seriously great stuff that definitely blurs some lines between poetry and fiction and the idea of what is literary and what is a game, and also why does that have to matter. I think that what we end up doing will be pretty different, but I'm a huge fan, nevertheless.
    Again, thanks for the input. You rock.
  • litroukelitrouke
    You're welcome! I'm fairly new to IF myself, so I'm also discovering neat new tools and tricks from people all the time. If you mention what format you're using, I/we can help out more specifically with the code side of things. But for basic appearance, @Sharpe made a simple CSS guide that should help, regardless of your format.
  • ColorfulWarColorfulWar
    Hey lit, here's a new form. Check it if you've got the time. Protect!
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